I have not mentioned it often on this site, but my wife and I are foster parents. After being married a couple of years, we decided to start a family. So, we decided to become licensed foster parents. It has been over two (2) years now and we are on our second placement of foster kids. The first placement ended in reunification. That’s the term used when the kids go back to a family member.
However, since we wanted to adopt, it meant we were faced with starting over with another placement. We have had several inquiries (from the placement agency) about children and a near placement of an infant. Thankfully, we were able to receive two children (boy and girl) into our home this past January. As the parent’s rights had been terminated and there are no other family members interested in placement, the state is considering us for permanent placement or what we normally call it, adoption.
Now, being a foster parent comes with its own set of trials and tribulations. I won’t bore you with the myriad classes and regulations we have to follow, but suffice it to say, we have ongoing coursework, monthly visits and endless paperwork due on a regular basis. It is true that some people are “professional” foster parents, i.e. they have several children in their home and are not interested in adoption. We are not in that group of folks. (As an aside, I think they provide necessary relief to the system as these children would otherwise have no home.)
We are now over four (4) months into the placement. In order to achieve permanent placement, you need about six (6). I am happy to say all signs point to our moving in this direction “soon”.
So, what does this have to do with my blog. Well, the stress of being a foster parent is real. Today, my wife met with our agency’s case worker for over an hour. (For reference, we work with Lutheran Social Services of the South and have our own case worker. The children are placed by Child Protective Services and have their own case worker.) Afterward, my wife had to take them to daycare and then drive to work. That’s when she called to tell me how it went. To say the least, she was stressed and not happy. Things are still going fine with the adoption, but the paperwork and surveys did not help when she then had to deal with two unruly children.
With children in foster care, you have specific rules of parenting on how to deal with problems. You even have to write them out as part of the initial and ongoing certification process. Often, this is not a problem. You tell the kids to behave and they do. Every now and then, you come across a problem that requires a loud voice or perhaps some “time out”. Sometimes it takes a toll on you. All the effort and then writing about it on a report each month is often more than you want to do. But, then you see the child’s face and remember, “If they don’t live here, where will they go next?”.
I don’t know how often I will write here about being a foster parent, but it will become part of the landscape. I might also ask my wife to see if this will help her let off some steam. She’s actually an accomplished writer (high school, college) and much better at it than me.
