Over the weekend my wife and I attended a renewal course for one of our yearly foster parenting courses. Fortunately for us, we have done this one a few times so we expected to get out early. Unfortunately, TX DOT was doing road construction on the highway and we ended up being a half hour late. While this was annoying to us both, we were unprepared for what happened during class. On our break, I was talking with one of the kids that are invariably in attendance. (Sometimes there is no babysitter available during the classes and kids have to come along.) The child’s mother then asked me, “You don’t remember us, do you?”. In that instant, I remembered them, especially the little girl with whom I had been playing. They were the “other” foster family who cared for, and adopted, the siblings of our first foster children. So, I immediately made up for lost time and started asking questions. “How is your daughter?”, “How are you doing?”, and of course, “Any news about our former foster children?”.
Her answer is what made my weekend difficult.
It seems both our former foster children and one of hers (total of three siblings) are still in the foster case system with the family member who took them back when they were reunited. It took me back to last Winter. We lost our kids because the state wanted to reunite them. For us, it was difficult. We don’t want to break up families. No one in the right mind would want to do that. However, children in foster care are there for a reason and foster parents play an important role. We don’t just take care of them until they go home. We also bond with them and if we are fortunate, they have a happy ending. But, when they leave your home, you have no idea what happens to them. The state will not keep you abreast of their progress and the only chance to know is having made a lasting friendship with their family. In our case, that was not possible. In any event, it seems they are also the problem.
No details, but suffice it to say, the kids probably should have stayed with a foster parent. Either us or another home, but not with their family. A year and half later, they have still not been adopted. It was supposed to take six months. That’s not a good sign.
It also hurts.
It made me mad.
I recall telling their case worker that we did not agree with the state’s decision to reunite them. The family, both parents and grand-parents, had lost them after attempting to provide basic care. We didn’t think it was wise to see if they would change after all that time. Still, it was their decision and we accepted it.
It was hard losing them. In fact, we took several months off and accepted no new placements, even though we still wanted to adopt. We knew being foster parents would be hard, but reality was more so than we expected.
So, it was with real anger that we accepted the current state of these kid’s placement. They are with family, but, apparently, not permanently.
How do you live a childhood like that?
We will try to ask our current case worker (the one helping us through adopting our current foster kids) about these other children. The worst she can tell us is that we can not be involved.
I just don’t think we can walk away without knowing.
